New pup in the White House and no one consulted ME, dammit!

The cat is out of the bag, so to speak: a returned-to-breeder Portuguese Water Dog will be the nation's new First Pup.

And not to go off on a tangent or anything, but I'm totally gobsmacked the Obamas chose a dog without consulting me. The nerve! The [how should I put it?] — the audacity!

After all, I love dogs more than practically anyone. I love dogs so much, in fact, that I am ideally qualified to determine not only who should be allowed to keep a dog, but what type of dog she should be allowed to keep. [I know what you're thinking: "Sounds like she'd also be a good one to decide who should be allowed to have children!" Obviously.]

In my world In a perfect world, no one, but no one would have the "right" to choose the size or age or coat-length or temperament of the dog she adopts.

People, when you choose a friendly dog, a shy dog dies! When you choose a small dog, a big dog dies! I trust that I am making myself clear. You'll take the dog I choose for you, thank you very much.

Also: a potential adopter should work at home, and should have six months' salary in an emergency savings account, a well-maintained house with a fenced yard, no children under twelve years of age and a body mass index no greater than 24.8. Needless to say, I am exempt from these standards since I care about dogs so much more than you do.

If the Obamas really loved dogs, they would have followed the example of humane movement leaders like Wayne Pacelle and John Goodman and Ingrid Newkirk. That's right: Wayne and John and Ingrid have stepped up to the plate and adopted pit bulls from their local shelters! Gamebred pit bulls... geriatric pit bulls with bad knees... big, untrained, energetic young pit bulls, and... what? Say again?

They haven't? You're kidding me.

But... all those other people jumping on the Prez for not getting a rescue dog — those people have shelter pit bulls, right? After all, pit bulls are totally over-represented in shelters — they're the dogs most likely to get killed! That's why Wayne and John and Ingrid promote pit bull adoption every chance they get, right?

Say what...?

They don't?

But that would mean they're just... sanctimonious hypocrites! Insufferably sanctimonious hypocrites. Say not so! OMG, my faith in the integrity of humane-movement talking heads has been shattered. Please excuse me while I take my pound pit bull and my pound pit mix and my pound border collie for a walk to mull all of this over.



Seriously, I'm delighted for the Prez and his family. They have years ahead of them to adopt strays, pound pups and lost kittens, if they choose.

And I invite anyone who feels the need to whine, "But... but... but... it isn't from a shelter" to visit her local pound and adopt a pit bull, because it's a pretty sure bet not one of the critics has a rescue pit bull or two or three already.

[L.A. Times photo by Mark Boster of a pit bull at the Los Angeles County animal shelter in Carson, CA.]

Related:
Two from Terrierman —
Barack Obama, Ordinary Consumer
Obama Is on the Edge of a Canine Mistake

Obama dog puppy to arrive Tuesday–TMZ is my source! [Retrieverman]

OBAMA GETS DOG FROM PUPPY MILL! [LA Animal Watch (with interesting comments/discussion)]

Memo to the Obamas: All You Need To Know About Portuguese Water Dogs! [The sort of boundless inanity you'd expect from "People Pets."]